The Sensitive Indian

Without a shadow of doubt, mine is a rich country. Not talking of the black-money here─although the figures are endowed enough to give new definitions to the fabled word ‘Honesty’, and rightly lead the youth of my already-glorious country in the best direction possible! So all the brothers and beautiful girls of my country, I am talking about things like culture, heritage, a little extra flock of people here and there, little bits of over stated corruption! There is a multitude of languages and dialects, cuisines ranging from absolute native-delight to stomach wrenching foreign imitations. Daily sops based on the sacred relation of mother-daughter-in-laws are also found in abundance here. No wonder that family values sit on the top of our lists and heads when counting the exclusive and abundant list of virtues on offer within the borders of this vast nation. In addition, no other nation would have such talented and worthy politicians─where else would a local politician understand how painful it would be for his subjects if the name of their city (or, a whole state) was not changed from what has continued from decades, if not centuries; or if a new state was not formed out of a larger state─which by the way, is now the acid-test and a hobby of a true, nationalist Indian politician.
     Apart from all these exclusively abundant virtues, there is one that is largely ignored whenever the world talks of our India. And that is the number of fathers and mothers each one of us has. Let me put it this way─I have a biological father and mother; in addition, I am expected to have another father whose ideal candidate (oh yes, there is a choice) could be the idol in my local temple. The spot of my extra mother─I have been told─has been taken by Mother India. No choices here! However, that is for me. There are many others who themselves live within the boundaries of Mother India, yet have somehow chosen amongst one or the other mothers living around Mother India. No offense to anybody, second mother is purely a personal choice! Feel free!

     Now, one thing to notice is that where there is a multitude of parents, the children are rightfully bound to sensitive. That is our birthright! So what wrong we do when the whole nation opposes a biography where the author dares to mention that our favorite batsman is not his favorite? Criminal! In India, everybody MUST like only one batsman! And we do absolutely no wrong when we burn books of another foreigner who claims that one of our revered politicians (another good candidate for the extra-father position)─whose death is now older than his life─had a penchant for a married woman, some eengliss mem. Kill that writer! Why, just why, would our revered politician ogle another woman? And say, say for one moment, if he ever did, was there any scarcity of women in India? I say cut his hands─he points his fingers on our revered politician, and he doubts the quality (and perhaps, availability) of Indian women!

     Let’s move away from books. Why? Because, a majority of my country is allergic to books! Illiterate is not the right word as many believe! That is all a hidden agenda of foreign powers, I tell you! Let’s talk of sports. Why should players from Mothers neighboring our dear Mother India be allowed to play in prestigious sports tournaments of my country? Try it, and we shall dig up the sports grounds and stop movie releases nationwide of any actor who says otherwise. Try and utter a word against our gods─we would set whole cities on fire. We can tolerate anything against your gods but nothing against our own. Such is the unity we share within the broken communities of our glorified Mother.

     We won’t change: come what may. If you have to live within our Mother India, make sure you live like you’re told to; like everybody else does. Do not try to express yourself or the government would have your phones tapped, have your emails and internet usage monitored; have your blogs filetered meticulously to decide what section of Indian Penal Code can be applied against you. So what if our jails overflow with slime and criminals, we would find a spot for you there. And do not─just do not─play with our sensitive dispositions. We are very emotional. Though out of the truly marvelous history that this country has witnessed, there have been countless men and women who have led by example, the moment they are gone, we have no one to guide our emotions rightly. Therefore, it is our right to be misguided by politicians or any one else with a manipulative mind and a sweet tongue. We do not mind being misled by them and we do it with unparalleled national pride. So beware because we just do not mind being prostitutes to the politicians of this country.

Disclaimer: Author doesn't intend to hurt any sentiments.